he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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