she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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