Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
