...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
