So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
