i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
