Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
