but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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