ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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