well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
