I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
birth control should be required to get into college
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
