Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
