oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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