I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
