Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
