I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
