Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
