Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
