I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize