you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
