Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Green mimosas i think yes
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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