do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
