My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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