matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
