but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
And then he peed in my hair
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