Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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