Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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