So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
