Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
