my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
