Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
