Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
