Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
