You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
