That's intense
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
