I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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