I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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