no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Randomize
