"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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