I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
