I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
