I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
