Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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