Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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