I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
