Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
