She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize