I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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