My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
