Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
