My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
