I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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