I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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