What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I want to be your penis for a week.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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