Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
