Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
