So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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