I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
