I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
