Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
